#LYLBook: Comparison

The first habit that needs to change in order to love our life and be content with it is to stop comparing our life to others. Here are some one-liners and quotes that stood out to me:

• Comparisons not only steals joy it steals your paycheck
• "When we start comparing ourselves to other people, we're playing a game we'll never win."
• "The Joneses may actually be broke! What you are seeing isn't always the real story."
• "When you get caught up in social media comparisons, you're comparing yourself to make-believe. And when you compare yourself to make-believe, your real life will never feel good enough."
• "Comparing ourselves to others is essentially a coping mechanism for our own insecurities. We believe we don't measure up so we project our insecurity onto others. ... And it's those insecurities--our own internal struggles--that are keeping us from living the kind of life we love."
• "We can't blame ourselves for the thoughts that pop into our heads, but we can take responsibility for what we do with those thoughts." (This reminds me a lot about agency.)
• "Don't feel like you're losing just because someone else is winning. Their success has nothing to do with you, so celebrate their success sincerely while you keep working toward your own."

Something that really stood out to me is that comparison is not just about material things. People do it to our families (especially babies). For example, many people will ask things about how old your baby was when they rolled over, smiled, laughed, walked, etc. and compare it to when that person's baby did those same things. Rachel Cruze called this "competitive parenting." It's a real thing, too, I saw it happen many times on Facebook to some of my friends.

Another thought that came to mind as I read is that comparison works two ways. We can compare ourselves to those people who we feel are doing better at life than we are and we also compare ourselves to those we think are doing worse than us. This habit is really a habit about pride and learning to take that pride and turn it into humility.

As I read I realize that I am guilty of making assumptions about a person's life when it comes to things I see on social media, especially when it comes to people my age going on fancy trips, buying new cars, or buying a house. Rachel says that whether our assumptions are good or bad they are meaningless and that it doesn't change their or our own situation, so don't waste the energy making assumptions because it's not our business.

Going along with making assumptions about other people, Rachel talks about our perception of reality may also be skewed and not actual reality. This is something that was discussed quite a bit in my Advanced Family Processes class last year. Everyone has a different view of reality. What one person sees may not be, and often isn't, the same as what someone else sees. For example, most people perceive that millionaires live in fancy houses, drive nice cars, and wears expensive clothes, but actually most millionaires look no different than the average person. They live in modest homes and drive slightly used cars.

I hope from this post you have a better understanding of how to quit comparison. Keep an eye out for future posts about the difference between actually blessed vs. #blessed and being content (both of which will provide additional insights on how to quit comparison).